Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
