Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
