Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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