Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
