Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
