i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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