How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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