Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
