Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
