I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
