Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
