Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize