Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You can't special order awesome
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
