Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
