can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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