Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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