just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
