hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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