Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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