What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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