I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
