That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
