I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
