i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
