Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
