mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
