There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I need moral support for this bender
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
