FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
