the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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