can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
