oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize