Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
