Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
