well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
