I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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