just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
