I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i believe in u and ur pee
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
