How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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