I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
