with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
