Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize