So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
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I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize