i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
