Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
