opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
