and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
