That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
