I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
