Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
