I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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