standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
