you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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