Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize