Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
