Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I did not marry a roomba.
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