You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
