I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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