The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
