i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
