you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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