but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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