did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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