I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
