The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
