dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
