My room smells like vodka and shame
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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