DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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