Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
