That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
