I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
