If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
