I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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