I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
