On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
