Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
