lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
