My room smells like vodka and shame
i think my tv is drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
