when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mom said you looked used
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
