Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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