Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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