is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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