dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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