guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
