i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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